THE SAGA OF AN ADVENTURER LOOKING FOR… ADVENTURE

The roleplaying world is becoming more and more accessible, but many gamers still maintain an outdated view of how much investment is required to try out roleplaying. It’s very likely that, with the many thematic board games that have come out in recent years, most of the tabletop community has roleplayed to some extent even if they weren’t aware of it. So this is a fun exploration, a fictional dive, a meta-commentary on the exploits of one man who sought to demystify the world of roleplaying.

DAWN OF THE FIRST DAY

A cosmic hand, of dexterous touch and cunning movement, traced the lines of a sleeping form, thickening and emboldening the outline until a man took shape.

The man had appendages, hair, and all of the outward markers of humanity. But he was an empty shell. So, the hand reached into a depthless bag and pulled out the essences of dexterity, intelligence, and charisma. It considered, for a moment, adding a dash of strength—or any other influential speck of personality. Instead, this guiding force closed the drawstrings of the bag and left the man alone.

Then the man underwent a major cosmetic alteration. The man was suddenly not a man anymore. His body truncated into the thick stature of a dwarf, though he wasn’t aware of this transformation. It happened again. Suddenly he was an elf… and a woman. The conflicted mind of the cosmic hand flickered through races and genders, mixed and non-binary. It was as if the man—at least what was a man at first—slipped between dimensions and donned a new skin every fleeting moment.

As if the nimble fingers of the omnipotent hand were flipping through the pages of a book. A blur.

And then he was a man again. A human male. Dexterous, intelligent, and charismatic. But nothing else…

Thrum. Thrum. Thrum. The vibrations of music entered into the fibers of his being and he lay in bard-like rapture as waves of sounds pulsed through him. Melody. Harmony. The sultry highs of falsetto. The mountainous echoes of bass. It filtered through his blood and into his bones, imbuing him with a passion for the music of life and entertainment.

Pop! A mandolin appeared out of thin air at the man’s bedside. Then it dematerialized and was replaced with a flute. The flute shimmered, phasing in and out of reality. Then vanished. Only to be followed by an accordion.

Twang. A small harmonica burst into existence on a bedside table that was murky with uncertainty.

With the instruments of choice determined, the cosmic hand rested on its wrist and mused. A life without purpose was no life at all. The creator must wrestle with the responsibility of its creation. What does it owe the thing it has made? What gives a life momentum? Energy?

The man lay there, eyes closed. Full of potential but still so empty. A purpose must be found for this new vessel, a mission that will urge it onward and upward, from deep in the mantle of creation to the crust of the world. What will make it breathe?

The cosmic hand waited. Hours passed. Maybe days. It’s difficult to know. And then it flexed its fingers. Cracked its joints.

Arched its form like a cat stretching in full.

The man would learn the ways of the roleplay. It would unlock the secrets of the RPG. It would embark on a journey of discovery that could be shared with all those who have not penetrated the mists surrounding this intimidating exercise.

Weaving a burly thread of vigor and burning need, the hand sowed this divine vapor into the spine of the man, steeling his body and saturating his mind.

The man awoke. Except, he was no longer a man.

He was the RPG Noob. And his story began.